Dating and Estate Planning

24 Jul    DWM Blogs
Jul 24

Dating and Estate Planning

Who knew there was a relationship?

An interesting conversation took place last week with an older male (obviously single) while I was getting my car repaired. Well, not sure if it was an interesting conversation…but, let’s just say it made me think about relationships.

We got on the topic of elderly care, illness and retirement homes and he said “Well, we are all going to end up there one day”. “Yeah”, I quietly said, reflecting on my own mother’s and father’s experience.

But what surprised me was he continued by saying, “That’s why I am looking for a younger woman to marry so she can look after me when I’m older”.  “Good luck with that” I replied, followed by my feminine, yet sarcastic laughter – if I could have snorted, I would have. In a matter of fact tone, I added “Not really what a young woman (or any woman) is looking for I would imagine, the sense of responsibility (being a nurse, nanny, cleaner, cook, banker etc.) is enough to turn off most women” (no offense to the men).

Here is where the interesting part comes in because he wasn’t finished. He said, “think about it though, if you marry an older man, you can say  ‘the way you treat me today and from now on will be a reflection of what home I am going to eventually put you in…..you have all the power’.”

Good Lord! While I chuckled and shook my head, all I could think about was:

1) Is this what finding the love of your life (the next true love or next greatest love of all) has come down to? Is this what dating is all about these days? Find that romantic special person qualified to spoon-feed me, when I am no longer able to feed myself? Y-U-C-K!

2) Is this actually the solution to a late-in-life-health care plan that people are banking on? Marry “the one” (u-hem the next “the one”) so she or he can take care of me in my old age, ensuring I get the quality care I need in the manner I want.  It is like saying my financial plan is built on the foundation of lottery ticket purchases, as one of these days I am going to win the big one!

So, it had me thinking. As financial advisors, we need to do more, we need to help clients plan, focus and act, and not just in the investment side of things, but the estate planning part. We are great at discussing Wills, Power of Attorney for financial matters. But I think we really need to do more when it comes to helping clients manage their health care, specifically late in life care – living with disabilities, illnesses, requiring long term care. Seriously, how ready are we ourselves for someone else to take care of our health when we can’t?

My plan is not to find a younger man who will be my nurse, my nanny, my cleaner, my cook (although contrary to popular belief, most young men aspire to that position…NOT) no, it is to sit down, create a well thought out plan for my late in life care, determine what is needed, and implement! And lastly, it is to include my family in that plan and all those I consider important in the solutions and implementation of the plan.

The dating world sure has CHA-CHING changed!!

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